原文：Therefore, it’s hard for me to overcome the frustration for I know I will not be a dancer. However, in the period of examing , I found I have more body strength than other classmates who seldom exercise. What’s more I paid much attention in class and behaved effective. I Attributed to the training on dancing.
討論：這一段用了四個連接詞，therefore,for, however, what's more,因用得不好，反而把意思搞亂了。連接詞看起來是個小字，若用錯，因果關係就搞不清楚。in the period of examing意思不清，需作者再釐清。I paid much attention in class and behaved effective這一句用過去式，表示現在已經不是如此了嗎？況且此段前兩句是用現在式，時態不一致，要擇一而用，我認為這段用現在式才合理，behaved effective不通，也許作者本意是「做事很有效率」。最後一句，I attribute to the training on dancing. attribute 後面少了一個受詞。為求簡潔，說dance training即可。
修改後：It's hard for me to overcome the frustrations, therefore, I know I can not be a dancer. However, I find that I am physically stronger than my classmates who seldom exercise, and I am able to focus better and work more effectively, which I attribute to my dance training.
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