The Amazement of Dancing (1)

這是一篇台大學生的作文，找我修改，這裡先拿出前兩段，大家討論之：

題目：The amazement of dancing (忘了第一個字母大寫)

I am from an art family. I really don’t know how deeply effect me until entering NTU.
⋯⋯ 討論： 第二句話是三個子句形成的，I really don't know / how deeply effect me/ until entering NTU，每個子句都需有主詞及一個動詞，以此來看，就知問題在哪裡了, 而且effect這個字用錯了，應是affect，第二子句的主詞是什麼，作者要好好想一想，可以寫成my family, 或upbringing (養育、教養)。
I know I have so much expression, I have aesthetic aspects, I will pay a lot passion in activities, and I won’t have stage fright at all. A lot of characteristics make me outstanding in class. Now I could say it surely depends on 18 years training in dancing.
以上這一大段文法沒什麼錯，只是用法不太對，I have so much expression, 其實意思是，我有很多表情，應不是作者本意。I have aesthetic aspects，這是中文「審美觀」的直譯，也不對。I will pay a lot passion in activities, 這也是中文思考的直譯，而且activities這個字太籠統，要說得細一點。A lot of characteristics沒有直接和前面講到的特質連在一起，不如說These characteristics, outstanding變成動詞stand out更好。最後一句口氣有些過於輕便。
修改後：
The Amazement of Dancing

I am from an art family. I really don't know how deeply my upbringing affects me until I entered NTU.　(最好把名稱寫全，很多人不知道NTU是什麼）
I am very expressive (擅於表達), my aesthetic taste is high and I have passion for　？ (這一句由作者自己決定), and what's more, I don't have stage fright at all. These characteristics make me stand out among my peers. How do I become what I am now? It is all due to my 18 years of dance training.