The Amazement of Dancing (final)

原文：Dancing not only strengthens my physically ability but also art sense. Dance is the combination of body, music, drama ,so whiling dancing, it actually enlightens so many abilities in our life. That’s why even I had ever not get the drawing class and writing class, I still can get readers touched. The sincere motion in dancers’ heart is truly exist.
I am so lucky that I have an art family, and experienced brilliant 18 years. The amazement of dancing is continuous discovered. I believe the four years in NTU, my characteristic will also make me happy and joyful.

討論：這段不太通順，應是對英文表達不熟所致，其中有些明顯的文法錯誤，名詞之前應是形容詞，故應說physical ability, 另外用複數abilities，就顯得作者更有能耐了。the sincere motion in dancers' heart is truly exist. 這句話意思不清，而且is, exist是兩個動詞，是很明顯的文法錯誤。

修改後：Dancing not only strengthens my physical abilities but also enhances my artistic sense. Dance, as an art form, is a combination of body movements, music, and drama. Dancing is enlightening, because it can bring out many capabilities that you don't even know you have. For example, I have never taken any drawing nor writing classes, but my drawing and writing are good and touching.

I am so lucky that I have an art family, and have lived to the fullest the past 18 years. I expect the future four years in NTU will be as happy and joyful as before, as I continue to discover the amazement of dancing.

The Amazement of Dancing (3)

原文：Therefore, it’s hard for me to overcome the frustration for I know I will not be a dancer. However, in the period of examing , I found I have more body strength than other classmates who seldom exercise. What’s more I paid much attention in class and behaved effective. I Attributed to the training on dancing.

討論：這一段用了四個連接詞，therefore,for, however, what's more,因用得不好，反而把意思搞亂了。連接詞看起來是個小字，若用錯，因果關係就搞不清楚。in the period of examing意思不清，需作者再釐清。I paid much attention in class and behaved effective這一句用過去式，表示現在已經不是如此了嗎？況且此段前兩句是用現在式，時態不一致，要擇一而用，我認為這段用現在式才合理，behaved effective不通，也許作者本意是「做事很有效率」。最後一句，I attribute to the training on dancing. attribute 後面少了一個受詞。為求簡潔，說dance training即可。

修改後：It's hard for me to overcome the frustrations, therefore, I know I can not be a dancer. However, I find that I am physically stronger than my classmates who seldom exercise, and I am able to focus better and work more effectively, which I attribute to my dance training.

The Amazement of Dancing (2)

原文：The lives in dancing, however, are full of exhausting. When I was in junior, I have less time in studying, sometimes I even have to go contesting during final exams. The process is so hard that I had a idea of giving up. At about 14, I ever told my family that maybe I won’t be a dancer in the future. I realized myself may can be a scientist or whatever I want. They at first were sad, but finally be happy for me.

討論：首先是時態不一致，When I was in junior, I have... I have to go, the process is so hard, 這一大段，除了第一句是評論，可用現在式，其餘全是回憶作者在初中時的情形，所以需從頭到尾過去式。在字彙方面，the lives in dancing, 沒有道理用複數，full of exhausting, 不懂其意，也許是指充滿挫折感, full of frustrations. junior，如指初中，就要說清楚junior high。另外，下面這句話因果關係不清楚，When I was in junior, I have less time in studying, sometimes I even have to go contesting during final exams. 在美國，期末考說final即可，不需加exams.

修改後：The life in dancing, however, is full of frustrations. when I was in junior high, I had to reduce my study time because sometimes, I had to go contest during finals. It was so hard that I thought of giving up. At about age 14, I told my family that I wouldn't be a dancer in the future. I realized then that science or any other profession was more likely for me. When they heard it for the first time, they were sad,but as time went by, they accepted it and were happy for me.

The Amazement of Dancing (1)

這是一篇台大學生的作文，找我修改，這裡先拿出前兩段，大家討論之：

題目：The amazement of dancing (忘了第一個字母大寫)

I am from an art family. I really don’t know how deeply effect me until entering NTU.
⋯⋯ 討論： 第二句話是三個子句形成的，I really don't know / how deeply effect me/ until entering NTU，每個子句都需有主詞及一個動詞，以此來看，就知問題在哪裡了, 而且effect這個字用錯了，應是affect，第二子句的主詞是什麼，作者要好好想一想，可以寫成my family, 或upbringing (養育、教養)。
I know I have so much expression, I have aesthetic aspects, I will pay a lot passion in activities, and I won’t have stage fright at all. A lot of characteristics make me outstanding in class. Now I could say it surely depends on 18 years training in dancing.
以上這一大段文法沒什麼錯，只是用法不太對，I have so much expression, 其實意思是，我有很多表情，應不是作者本意。I have aesthetic aspects，這是中文「審美觀」的直譯，也不對。I will pay a lot passion in activities, 這也是中文思考的直譯，而且activities這個字太籠統，要說得細一點。A lot of characteristics沒有直接和前面講到的特質連在一起，不如說These characteristics, outstanding變成動詞stand out更好。最後一句口氣有些過於輕便。
修改後：
The Amazement of Dancing

I am from an art family. I really don't know how deeply my upbringing affects me until I entered NTU.　(最好把名稱寫全，很多人不知道NTU是什麼）
I am very expressive (擅於表達), my aesthetic taste is high and I have passion for　？ (這一句由作者自己決定), and what's more, I don't have stage fright at all. These characteristics make me stand out among my peers. How do I become what I am now? It is all due to my 18 years of dance training.

compare apples to oranges風馬牛不相及

在伊甸園裡，花香草美，一棵蘋果樹結實累累，樹下一男一女，下半身隱藏在半人高的草叢後，不消說，這是講亞當和夏娃在伊甸園裡吃禁果的聖經故事。
夏娃對亞當說，why don't you try one before you start comparing them to oranges?
這是紐約客週刊內的一則漫畫，若不知compare apples to oranges這句常用俗語，就無法了解此漫畫的趣味。
Compare apples to oranges, 換成中文，就是「風馬牛不相及」，蘋果是蘋果，橘子是橘子，外觀不同，性質不同，不能相提並論。
若問，Lady Gaga和鄧麗君誰唱得好，你就說，you can't compare apples to oranges.
若問，周美青和Ms. Obama誰的服裝品味好，你也說you can't compare apples to oranges, you have to compare apples to apples, and oranges to oranges.
雖然沒有人指出倒底是蘋果好一點還是橘子好一點，但從世俗觀點來看，蘋果比橘子高級一些。
我敢打包票，世界上沒有一家電子公司敢把電子產品命名為「橘子」。