The Amazement of Dancing (2)

原文：The lives in dancing, however, are full of exhausting. When I was in junior, I have less time in studying, sometimes I even have to go contesting during final exams. The process is so hard that I had a idea of giving up. At about 14, I ever told my family that maybe I won’t be a dancer in the future. I realized myself may can be a scientist or whatever I want. They at first were sad, but finally be happy for me.

討論：首先是時態不一致，When I was in junior, I have... I have to go, the process is so hard, 這一大段，除了第一句是評論，可用現在式，其餘全是回憶作者在初中時的情形，所以需從頭到尾過去式。在字彙方面，the lives in dancing, 沒有道理用複數，full of exhausting, 不懂其意，也許是指充滿挫折感, full of frustrations. junior，如指初中，就要說清楚junior high。另外，下面這句話因果關係不清楚，When I was in junior, I have less time in studying, sometimes I even have to go contesting during final exams. 在美國，期末考說final即可，不需加exams.

修改後：The life in dancing, however, is full of frustrations. when I was in junior high, I had to reduce my study time because sometimes, I had to go contest during finals. It was so hard that I thought of giving up. At about age 14, I told my family that I wouldn't be a dancer in the future. I realized then that science or any other profession was more likely for me. When they heard it for the first time, they were sad,but as time went by, they accepted it and were happy for me.

The Amazement of Dancing (1)

這是一篇台大學生的作文，找我修改，這裡先拿出前兩段，大家討論之：

題目：The amazement of dancing (忘了第一個字母大寫)

I am from an art family. I really don’t know how deeply effect me until entering NTU.
⋯⋯ 討論： 第二句話是三個子句形成的，I really don't know / how deeply effect me/ until entering NTU，每個子句都需有主詞及一個動詞，以此來看，就知問題在哪裡了, 而且effect這個字用錯了，應是affect，第二子句的主詞是什麼，作者要好好想一想，可以寫成my family, 或upbringing (養育、教養)。
I know I have so much expression, I have aesthetic aspects, I will pay a lot passion in activities, and I won’t have stage fright at all. A lot of characteristics make me outstanding in class. Now I could say it surely depends on 18 years training in dancing.
以上這一大段文法沒什麼錯，只是用法不太對，I have so much expression, 其實意思是，我有很多表情，應不是作者本意。I have aesthetic aspects，這是中文「審美觀」的直譯，也不對。I will pay a lot passion in activities, 這也是中文思考的直譯，而且activities這個字太籠統，要說得細一點。A lot of characteristics沒有直接和前面講到的特質連在一起，不如說These characteristics, outstanding變成動詞stand out更好。最後一句口氣有些過於輕便。
修改後：
The Amazement of Dancing

I am from an art family. I really don't know how deeply my upbringing affects me until I entered NTU.　(最好把名稱寫全，很多人不知道NTU是什麼）
I am very expressive (擅於表達), my aesthetic taste is high and I have passion for　？ (這一句由作者自己決定), and what's more, I don't have stage fright at all. These characteristics make me stand out among my peers. How do I become what I am now? It is all due to my 18 years of dance training.

人的身形

骨瘦如柴bony/skinny
修長slender
健美fit
嬌小 delicate (女)
曲線玲瓏 hourglass The famous country singer Dolly Parton has an hourglass figure.
如柳條般 willowy
天使面孔，魔鬼身材 An angelic face and a lavishly-endowed body
運動型athletic
壯碩 heavily-built
虎背熊腰 heavy and broad-shouldered
巨無霸big as a bull
啤酒肚 beer-bellied
下寬型 pear-shaped